she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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