I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love having hate sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
