my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize