maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
