wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
