I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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