Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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