I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
