we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want her autograph on my taint
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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