We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
