There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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