shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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