Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
