You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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