My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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