Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
