I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
