we made out on top of his cat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
