I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
