I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize