The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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