my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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