She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to align my fucking chakras
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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