note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
