totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
