so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
