dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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