this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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