Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
