I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
