New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
