ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
