i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The adults are the big ones right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
