omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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