you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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