Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
