god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
