Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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