I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
