Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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