Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
