it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
