how can u be prego again
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
