dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
