hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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