that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
