i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
