How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize