I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
