My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
