i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
