If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone came in the potted fern
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
