I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
