i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
