I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
