I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
