I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
