Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
