I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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