I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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