Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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