Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
...so i touched it.
even my farts smell like vagina
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
