Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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