dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am one with the molecules
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
