By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
