I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
